Testament of Faith

I want to take a moment and introduce you to the man that is my dad. I have been fortunate enough to have been raised by someone who was such a great testament of faith. I have witnessed how God can take an ordinary man to do extraordinary things. It's hard to think of anything more extraordinary than to witness the power of God's children united as one body of Christ...the way God had intended...

Blessings to All,

On August 29, 2009, Missouri's state capital welcomed over 6,000 Christians to the United As One Christian Festival.

Eight years ago, a man named Perry Carey envisioned a choir clothed in robes of different colors coming together to sing and praise God. After many sleepless nights, Perry knew what it meant and what he had to do. It was a calling to unite the children of God, divided by denominational walls, to gather on common ground (the lawn of Missouri's state capital) for one purpose, for one day - to praise and worship our one and only God. His dream, his vision gave way to the United As One Christian Festival in Jefferson City, MO. After seven years, this festival has grown from 500 to 6,500 witnesses to the power of God's children UNITED - united as one body of Christ! That is something that can't be ignored!

"A Man with a Vision" is in memory of Perry Carey, our dad, who listened and obeyed to what God set on his heart to do. And he didn't stop until his dying breath...

The 2008 Christian Festival became the last that dad would see on this earth. On November 21, 2008 dad passed away peacefully while taking a nap. Dad suffered from kidney failure and his condition worsened from other health complications. During the dark days of battling with his illness and trials, he became even closer to God. He always said, "I can't quit on God; He's never quite on me." So he kept going and kept working at uniting the children of God in the community. He succeeded!

Dad had a different view of the Christian Festival this year, but this event wouldn't have been made possible without the dedicated volunteers that continued on to make this dream a reality. Thank You!

And for one day, over 6,000 Christians gathered on the capital lawn to stand United As One!

God Bless!
Rachelle Glavin & Zach Carey

Piece of Trivia: Missouri is one of only two states, Alaska being the other, that allows Christians to organize on capital grounds to exercise the greatest freedom of all.
~
For more information about the United As One Christian Festival visit http://www.unitedasone.info/

This year's Christian Festival was also featured in Sunday's paper of the News Tribune. "United as One Christian founder dies, but his event flourishes" http://www.newstribune.com/articles/2009/08/30/news_local/123local10united09.txt

"Divine inspiration led Perry Carey to organize Christian festival"
http://www.newstribune.com/articles/2008/08/25/news_local/128localnews02portrait.txt

A New Road

Over the past six months, I have cried harder and longer than ever before, but I've also experienced more joy, more love, more life than I ever knew existed. We've found ourselves traveling a new road, and though we don't know what lies ahead, we continue forward with our angel on one side and God on the other.

Stronger in FAITH... Comforted by HOPE ... Happy with LOVE


Thank you for continuing to keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. Our hearts are healing and overflowing with the love and gratitude we hold for everyone. Thank you so much!

Love,
Hailey's Mommy

More of Hailey's story to come...

42 Minutes

It has been one month today. One month since Hailey was born, and one month since God called her home. One month has passed since we held an angel in our arms for 42 minutes.

As I write this, I write through a teary fog. I miss my baby girl so much. I miss the sweet smell of her skin and the soft touch of her hand. I miss kissing her chubby cheeks. I miss how complete we were when I held her in my arms. And I miss the memories we would have made yesterday, today and tomorrow. But for as long as I live, there will be no greater memory than the one we shared for 42 minutes...


Thursday, June 11

8:00 p.m. - Tim and I arrived at St. Mary's hospital and were welcomed by our labor and delivery nurse, Robyn.
9:00 p.m. - After we settled in, I was given a pill to help soften the cervix.
11:00 p.m. - The pill kicked me into labor and contractions were every 2-3 minutes.

Friday, June 12

4:15 a.m. - Offered an epidural, but decided to hold off a little longer.
4:20 a.m. - Called Robyn back in to get me the epidural. : )
4:55 a.m. - Dilated to a 6.
5:25 a.m. - Dilated to a 9 and called Dr. Dodson. We called our parents and our photographer, Amy Knollmeyer.
5:45 a.m. - Dr. Dodson arrived and we prepared to meet our baby girl. Hailey had been breached, but she had gotten herself in position and we could see her beautiful head of hair. Her heart was still beating.
6:03 a.m. - One little push and she was here!

42 Minutes...

Pure joy consumes me and true love draws me in to the most beautiful sight of heaven. She is beautiful. Every four pounds, six ounces, sixteen and three quarter inches of her is perfectly and indescribably beautiful. I'm captivated, and my eyes never once leave her presence.

Tim cuts the cord and so begins Hailey's journey to my arms.

There are no words to describe what it's like to hold my daughter for the first time. All I know is that we were meant to be...right here, right now. I feel as if all my life, I was meant to live for this moment. This moment to experience God's love and love for an angel.

The speech I had rehearsed escapes me and I am left without words. What I manage to say out loud only stutters what my heart feels as it is conquered by the precious gift I'm holding. My first words to her are, "Hello, baby girl. It's mommy." Followed by a series of, "I love you," "You are so beautiful," "Everything's going to be okay," and "Mommy and Daddy are here." Tim and I admire her from head to toe. I shower her with kisses and hold her tight. As I stroke the side of her cheek, she moves her head and opens her mouth slightly. She lets out a quiet attempt at a cry, and relaxes comfortably back in my embrace. This is the only movement she makes, but Tim and I are ecstatic.

We are so captivated by Hailey that we don't realize the minutes that are ticking by. Several times Dr. Dodson comes to listen to Hailey's heartbeat. Nineties, Fifties, Twenties. The last time she lifts the scope from Hailey's chest and says, "I don't hear a heartbeat anymore." A few tears blur my vision as I let everyone in the room know, "She's okay. She's more than okay now."

I kiss her once more and whisper, "Thank you."

God's Gift...Our Angel Baby

Our journey started with a gift from God...our angel baby. I made this memorial to honor Hailey's life, and to honor the life she gave to us. I hope you find the same faith, hope and love for life that Hailey has shown us.

No matter how short, every life has a purpose in this world...otherwise they would never have existed.

Grateful Hearts

I sincerely apologize for this post coming long overdue. It's been almost three weeks now since Hailey's birthday, or "Hailey's Day" as Ryan calls it, and while our hearts are still on the mend we've been trying to take things slow. We've been spending as much time with our family as we can, and I've just tried not to get so overwhelmed with everything on my 'to do' list. There's also so much I want to share with everyone from the moment Hailey was placed in our arms to how we are coping with moving forward, but I promise I will get to all that as soon as I can.

However, what I want to do now is say THANK YOU! And like I said, I apologize for falling off the reservation over the past few weeks and not saying those two words sooner. Those two words hold how grateful and humbled we are for the prayers, the kind words and the acts of kindness that have been sent our way. I really can't stress enough how grateful we are and how much it really means to us. Your caring for Hailey and our family has brought us through these rough waters and kept our hope alive.

Another day becomes possible as prayers continue to be answered and thoughts continue to be fulfilled.

THANK YOU!

Growing in comfort and love,

The Glavin Family

One Day at a Time

I've tried several times to write over the past week, but every time I tried my thoughts and words would get jumbled up and I just couldn't do it. And though it's still hard for me to find the words to suit my feelings I figured I'd give it another try.

It's been over a week now since Hailey's birthday, and a week since we commemorated her new life in heaven. I can't say that I know exactly where the time has gone since then, and to be honest I think I've spent a great deal of it exhausted and in a fog. During this time I've also struggled with what it is exactly that I'm supposed to be doing, because what I'm supposed to be doing right now I can't, and that really hurts. There are times when I'm doing the littlest things around the house that I'll stop and cry because it just doesn't feel right. And then I begin to think about all the other things I should be doing at that moment. I see myself feeding Hailey or changing her diaper, or simply holding her in my arms. I see myself doing all those things that a mother should be doing after just giving birth. I guess I just get lost sometimes, and I suppose that's a normal part of the grieving process as you adapt to change and adjust to a new way of living without holding the one thing you want most in this world.

I didn't know quite what to expect in this chapter of healing, and honestly I tried not to give it too much thought. But I've found it has definitely brought with it a few surprises courtesy of God's love and comfort. One of my fears has always been the emptiness that I was sure to feel the second I stepped foot outside that hospital without my baby. The emptiness of my arms that would resonate to my heart. But to my surprise that feeling didn't exist for me then and it still doesn't. My heart was so full of the life and love I had just shared with my little girl that made it impossible for me to fill empty. She is too much a part of me and who I am to feel like there's nothing there, like she's not there. And while my arms didn't hold Hailey anymore, they still held the other gifts in my life, my son and my husband. Blessings that I will never again take for granted. Please don't be mistaken, leaving that hospital was the second to the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but I knew I still had Hailey with me. I had her with me in a new way now. A way that we're not use to having people in our lives because we're human and we need and want things that we can see and touch. I don't think we always realize how much we live our lives with our minds instead of our hearts. Now we are having to adjust to Hailey living in our hearts instead of by our mind's sight. It will take some time, but I believe once we do that, we'll find her presence is just as real, and even greater, than it was when I held her for those 42 minutes.

Something else that has surprised me is feeling like a family of four. Of course I knew that I would now have two amazing children, and I would tell people that if they asked, but everywhere we go I always see us as a family of four. It's difficult for me to explain what I mean by that but when Tim, Ryan and I are all together, Hailey is always there too. Even when I look at Tim and Ryan, I instantly feel Hailey, and that feeling is just as real to me as anything my eyes can see. We've embedded her so deeply in our hearts that she will always be with us wherever we go, and she is and always will be part of our family. In a way I think that right there might be some proof that we are learning how to live on with Hailey.

To describe loosing a child...Looking at your child's face for what you know will be the last time...I'm not even going to try because there's no words to describe it. You know it only if you've experienced it, but what I can tell you is that sting of pain you felt as you read those words is only the tip of the iceberg. So what do you say, what do you do after holding your child's life in your hands? It's different for everyone, but as I laid down on the night of June 12, I found I didn't know quite what to say to God. But on that night, and every night since, I have prayed the same simple prayer that holds every thought and every feeling; "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you." In that prayer I thank Him for Hailey, and for choosing me to be her mommy. I thank Him for the time I had with her, and that He is taking care of her now. I also thank Him for my family, and for all the blessings He continues to send my way. I also thank Him for dying on that cross for me, and preparing a place for my family to be together again without ever having to say 'good-bye'. And then I cry. I cry because I miss my little girl, and I cry because I can't believe how blessed I am. My tears are of joy and sorrow, never one without the other.

I've found the best guideline on this part of our journey is to walk with God and simply take it one day at a time.

Letter from Mommy

My Sweet Baby Girl,

For 42 minutes I held your life in my arms. And it was an experience that I have never, and will never in my life know again. There are no words to describe the strength of our time with one another. I was so captivated by your presence in my arms that all words escaped me. I simply didn't know what to say to someone so perfect. But what needed to be said was said, and what needed to be felt was felt. Everything was already there between us, as they have been from the beginning.

As I looked upon your beautiful face, I knew I was looking at the face of an angel...our angel. I was looking at the little girl that has changed my life forever, and you did so without ever having to say a single word. You have changed everything about me through the kicks and movements we shared, through the steady sound of your heartbeat, through the smell of your skin and the touch of your hand. You have taken me on a journey unlike any other. On a journey that shook me and woke me to a life unlived and a woman unknown. You've saved me with your strength and your courage, and by the unconditional hope you've given me. You've shown me what it means to appreciate life, and what it means to live life with unwavering faith, hope and love for God. And all this is because of you, my angel, of our unexpected gift from above.

Today my heart is complete yet broken, but that's because my heart has never loved like this before. And though the pain of losing a piece of my heart is great, the joy of knowing you and loving you is so much greater. Mommy is going to miss you so much, but my heart is comforted knowing that you are safe in God's hands, and that you are home.

We love you sweet girl, more than words can say or the heart can feel. We love you for all that you are and all the joy you've brought to our lives. And I can rest assured knowing that the plans God has for me will eventually bring me back to you.

Until that happy day, baby girl, hold on to that piece of mommy's heart that's yours so that you always remember the precious time we've shared, and how much you are a part of me and who I am.

I love you so much baby girl!

Love Always,

Mommy


This is the letter that was read at Hailey's memorial service yesterday. There is so much that I want to share, and I will, but this week may be a little slow. But I'll just say that yesterday was perfectly amazing in every way! Our family is doing pretty well, and we greatly appreciate the continued prayers as we embark on this next chapter of healing.

God Bless!