It has been one month today. One month since Hailey was born, and one month since God called her home. One month has passed since we held an angel in our arms for 42 minutes.
As I write this, I write through a teary fog. I miss my baby girl so much. I miss the sweet smell of her skin and the soft touch of her hand. I miss kissing her chubby cheeks. I miss how complete we were when I held her in my arms. And I miss the memories we would have made yesterday, today and tomorrow. But for as long as I live, there will be no greater memory than the one we shared for 42 minutes...
Thursday, June 11
8:00 p.m. - Tim and I arrived at St. Mary's hospital and were welcomed by our labor and delivery nurse, Robyn.
9:00 p.m. - After we settled in, I was given a pill to help soften the cervix.
11:00 p.m. - The pill kicked me into labor and contractions were every 2-3 minutes.
Friday, June 12
4:15 a.m. - Offered an epidural, but decided to hold off a little longer.
4:20 a.m. - Called Robyn back in to get me the epidural. : )
4:55 a.m. - Dilated to a 6.
5:25 a.m. - Dilated to a 9 and called Dr. Dodson. We called our parents and our photographer, Amy Knollmeyer.
5:45 a.m. - Dr. Dodson arrived and we prepared to meet our baby girl. Hailey had been breached, but she had gotten herself in position and we could see her beautiful head of hair. Her heart was still beating.
6:03 a.m. - One little push and she was here!
42 Minutes...
Pure joy consumes me and true love draws me in to the most beautiful sight of heaven. She is beautiful. Every four pounds, six ounces, sixteen and three quarter inches of her is perfectly and indescribably beautiful. I'm captivated, and my eyes never once leave her presence.
Tim cuts the cord and so begins Hailey's journey to my arms.
There are no words to describe what it's like to hold my daughter for the first time. All I know is that we were meant to be...right here, right now. I feel as if all my life, I was meant to live for this moment. This moment to experience God's love and love for an angel.
The speech I had rehearsed escapes me and I am left without words. What I manage to say out loud only stutters what my heart feels as it is conquered by the precious gift I'm holding. My first words to her are, "Hello, baby girl. It's mommy." Followed by a series of, "I love you," "You are so beautiful," "Everything's going to be okay," and "Mommy and Daddy are here." Tim and I admire her from head to toe. I shower her with kisses and hold her tight. As I stroke the side of her cheek, she moves her head and opens her mouth slightly. She lets out a quiet attempt at a cry, and relaxes comfortably back in my embrace. This is the only movement she makes, but Tim and I are ecstatic.
We are so captivated by Hailey that we don't realize the minutes that are ticking by. Several times Dr. Dodson comes to listen to Hailey's heartbeat. Nineties, Fifties, Twenties. The last time she lifts the scope from Hailey's chest and says, "I don't hear a heartbeat anymore." A few tears blur my vision as I let everyone in the room know, "She's okay. She's more than okay now."
I kiss her once more and whisper, "Thank you."
God's Gift...Our Angel Baby
Twenty weeks into life, Hailey was diagnosed with alobar holoprosencephaly (HPE). Further testing showed that she had full Trisomy 13, also called Patau syndrome. Trisomy 13 affects about 1 in 16,000 babies. HPE affects about 1 in 10,000 babies and of those only 3% survive to delivery. With the severity of Hailey's condition, she is given little chance of surviving to term. But our family was dedicated to giving her that chance, no matter how small, and she gave us every hope for the future.
On June 12, 2009, our angel baby was born and delivered into our loving arms. There is where she spent her life and gave us the best 42 minutes of ours. Our journey led us to this moment in time, the moment we met our little girl face to face, and the precious time we shared with her. Now Hailey is safe in the hands of God until we meet again.
God has blessed our family in ways we didn't understand at first. But through our faith and trust in Him, we came to realize just how much purpose Hailey's life serves on this earth. Hailey has unlocked the deeper meaning of faith, hope and love, and has forever changed the lives of many. We are blessed to be part of such an incredible life and incredible journey.
On June 12, 2009, our angel baby was born and delivered into our loving arms. There is where she spent her life and gave us the best 42 minutes of ours. Our journey led us to this moment in time, the moment we met our little girl face to face, and the precious time we shared with her. Now Hailey is safe in the hands of God until we meet again.
God has blessed our family in ways we didn't understand at first. But through our faith and trust in Him, we came to realize just how much purpose Hailey's life serves on this earth. Hailey has unlocked the deeper meaning of faith, hope and love, and has forever changed the lives of many. We are blessed to be part of such an incredible life and incredible journey.
Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
But Jesus said, "Let the little ones come to me, and do not keep them away; for such is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 19:14
